speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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