There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
