I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
