Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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