I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
