i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
