Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
