We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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