everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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