Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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