There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
