The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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