my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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