I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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