If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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