...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
