Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
