Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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