I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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