and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
