Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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