Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
