I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
