i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There r osticjed everywhere
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
sex in a hospital.. check
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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