You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
