There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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