her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
