just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
