I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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