I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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