found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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