apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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