I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
