I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
