I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
