I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
