how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Let's paint friendship bongs
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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