Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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