Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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