I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
do herpes really smell.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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