; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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