This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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