I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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