Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize