i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
