Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
