i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
