I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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