Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
