D3 body, D1 cock
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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