walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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