Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
