My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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