This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize