my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
