he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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