i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
