And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
