he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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