If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
