She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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