Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
