And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
